The Buffalo Theory

Clifford C. Clavin, Jr.

Some years ago, the beloved situational comedy called “Cheers” allowed us to fall in love with a common-man’s pub in downtown Boston. The principle reason for its success was the easy-to-relate-to characters that hung out and drank their beer at the bar. One of those lovable patrons was the trivia-loving philosopher-mailman Cliff Clavin. One of the many philosophies he espoused was his Buffalo Theory, which goes like this:

Slowest and Weakest huh?

“Well, you see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it’s the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Truer words were never uttered in TV Land or in the real world.

Here’s to craft-brewed happiness… Cheers! (Just like the show)